Tuesday, March 30, 2010

things that make you go hmmm???....

 Ever had a dream that when you woke up you were like WTH???? I had one of those last night. It made no sense and I should probably keep this one to myself....BUT.........you already know I'm kinda quirky so might as well blog it!  :-)

Ok so in my dream I am this agent of some sort, FBI, secret service, not quite sure ( but I am certainly bad ass in my bullet proof vest and Charlie's Angel hair do.) I've been on a stake out with my team and about ready to take down the "perp" I jump up and yell " Freeze! Drop your weapon!" and this weird dude is yelling at me " No!! Never! I am going to poop the president!" I was like " what?" he yells " I am going to poop the president!!" I stood up a bit and was like " I don't get it.....do you mean shoot the president? " he says " no POOP the president!!"  I said " You mean you want to poop a turd that looks like obama??" He starts yelling " I am going to poop the president!"and takes off running and I am yelling " someone get the whitehouse on the phone and tell them there's been a poop threat and to be on alert!"

then I woke up.
Guess he got away.
only so much can be done with feathered hair after all.

Any takers on deciphering this one???

Friday, March 26, 2010

Duct Tape: Not just for taping your kids to the wall

well now that I have your attention, I'm not sure where to begin this story! I am really tired so how about a really short version!!!
Megan has a wart on the side of her foot. It needs removed. I called her Dr and they told me to use over the counter meds OR cover the wart with duct tape at bedtime and rip it off in the morning!! Um excuse me? did I hear her right? duct tape??? The woman I was talking to said she heard great results from doing that. I can tell you this.....my child is not going to let me put duct tape on her and rip it off. And this is the advice I get after trying for a WEEK to get an appointment! Yes a week, that's alot longer version than I feel like telling at the moment......just wanted to share this bit of cutting edge medicine with you.

I also found out if you mix peanut butter with cod liver oil and apply to your head with scotch tape it cures male pattern baldness. Ok I just made that up.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

just a lil humor

 A man and  his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on  the door. 
The man gets up and goes to the door where a  drunken stranger, 
Standing in the pouring rain, is  asking for a push. 
      "Not a chance," says the  husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" 

      He slams  the door and returns to bed. 

      "Who was that?"  asked his wife. 

      "Just some drunk guy asking for a  push," he answers. 

      "Did you help him?" she  asks. 

      "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning  and it is pouring rain out there!" 

      "Well, you have a short  memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about 
three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped  us? 
      I think you should help him, and you should be  ashamed of yourself!"

      The man does as he is told,  gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. 

      He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you  still there?" 

      "Yes," comes back the  answer. 

      "Do you still need a push?" calls out the  husband. 

      "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the  dark. 

      "Where are you?" asks the  husband. 

             "Over here on the swing
 set," replied the  drunk.

ok so why do I find this so hilarious and why do I see my friends or myself doing this??????? LOL Thanks for the joke Mae!!! I needed a good laugh! By the way, do you have a swingset in your yard?????

And the Mother Of The Year Award goes to.........................

anyone but me! :-(  
I made a big oopsie, a flub, an out right bad call.  To make a LONG story short, Megan asked me about the easter bunny and what the " real deal" was. It went as follows......I'll change our names for story telling purposes, I am MM (Mean Mommy) and she is PC (Poor Child) it goes a lil somethin like this......

PC  " Mom tell me what's the real deal with the Easter bunny? I know it's not a guy in a giant bunny suit."

MM " you want the truth, are you sure?"

PC " yes, is it you and daddy?"

MM (short pause) " yes it is mommy and daddy."

PC (looking horrified) " IT IS???????"

MM " Oh my gosh you didn't know???"

PC " NOOOO!" (starting to tear up) 

MM " I am sooooo sorry I thought you knew when you asked me!!"

PC  "No, it was just a guess but I really believed it was magic and not you guys! I suppose you are going to tell me Santa's not real either!" (sees the look on my face) " Oh great Santa's you guys too! I defended Santa to all my friends too!" Real Crying begins now

MM  ( me thinking to myself come clean or say yes santa's real, yes? No? yes? no? just do it and get it over with!!)   " No baby I am sorry Santa is us too. "

PC  between sobs " What about the tooth fairy??"

MM ( staring at my feet silent) looks up timidly...

PC " Oh so they are all made up! This is just great!"  more tears..

So we hug for awhile and I TRY to make things better by explaining  the stories and how they are just fun for kids etc etc etc, then scott comes and and looks at us and asks what's wrong and we explain it to him so he's trying to help ........let me tell you, I have so many words or emotions I could describe to explain how I felt but let's just use crap. I. FELT. LIKE. CRAP. I just broke her heart and ripped away her childhood! ( later that evening Scott informs me I am being way over dramatic and the kid is 12 now and it's time for her to know the truth so she doesn't get her ass kicked at school defending the easter bunny or santa)   See how we just balance each other out?? Anyway, I know she is older than most kids when it comes to finding out the truth, but it still kinda stung a little. Kinda bittersweet I guess. I sure as heck didnt enjoy being the one to burst her magic bubble either! Needless to say I KNOW THESE THINGS HAPPEN and it's part of growing up, just made me a little sad. So I felt like I had a stupid mom moment ( hate those!) but of coarse Scott is STILL laughing about it AND told his coworkers who now yell "SANTA KILLER!" to me whenever he calls me from work and ask if I will be killing Cupid next.  ha ha very funny 

We also discussed the real meaning of Easter and had a long talk about Jesus. Then Megan says " since we're talking about Jesus and the Bible, I have a question. I don't get what the deal with Moses is, he was just a man so how did he part the sea and free the slaves? " So I try to explain that the best I ( my best probably being someone else's worst)  can and basically tell her God worked through Moses. 
So she says " Oh, so Moses was a tool."  Which by this time I was feeling a lil slap happy and boy did that hit me wrong! Yes I laughed, yes I explained why  I laughed when she's looking at me like I have just gone mad, because a tool is slang for jerk, and she was all laughing then and apologizing to Moses. 

It was a long night......................................

Sunday, March 21, 2010

they just don't make Easter like they used to................

I have to share these adorable little Easter bunny marshmallow pops we found at CVS. Well, at least one is a bunny.....I'm not sure what the other one is!! Maybe it's the new WTF? Bunny , or my guess is the Easter Yeti.  All I know is Megan and I were cracking up at this find!!!!!! OMG!!!!


seriously, WHAT IS THAT??????? Some prank by the candy maker?? " hey George, let's scare the sh*t out of some kids this year!!! Let's make mutant bunnies! " "Ok Frank, let me set down my beer and joint and we'll get started!!" 

A yeti walks into a bar, " heeey bunny, you come here often?? Let me buy you a carrot juice and see how the night goes!"

"wow, what big teeth you have!"

" All the better to chew on your little marshmallow paws with my dear!"

maybe Chuck Norris ate the bunny pop and this is what came out afterwards??? I just don't know but as I have a warped sense of humor this just made me laugh til I cried!!! You should have seen the check out lady's face at CVS when I set that up there! she was like " what is that? That is so wrong, that has to be a mistake!" I'm all like " I know!!! Isn't it great? It's hilarious!!" She said " you are actually buying it???"  Um, hells yeah I am buying it!!! It's too funny to pass up!! Who else gets Easter Yeti's in their baskets?????? 

I just don't even know what to say after that!! There are too many stories I could make up with this, it has my head spinning!! LOL!!!!!! I thought I explained easter last year http://justscraphappy.blogspot.com/2009/04/its-spring-break-ba-by.html    but I just never knew.....

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


FINALLY!!!!! I won on Ebay!! WHOOOOPDEEEDOOO!!!! :-) About time!! I told ya Tina that I'd get my stuff!! Not that I am proud of being a sneaky outbidder, but damn, feels good to win! LOL
And now I am officially sick of Ebay for awhile! After a week I'm DONE! Oh I am sure it will tempt me again, but I am good for now! Besides I have more important things to do....like beat Angie and Tasha at Super Farkle!! heehee ( love you guys!)

Got a chance for some girl time on saturday with Tina, Angie and Heather. That was awesome and well needed! Thanks girls!!

Megan still has a cough but slowly feeling better. Although I am afraid for her this week, roller skating in PE which she had never done before! Today was her first day, she said she got freaked out and cried and crawled on the floor ( yeah, I'm sure no one in JR HIGH will make fun of her for that!) and so the PE teacher led her around and she said she fell numerous times. I hope she gets over her nerves and has fun! I also hope she doesn't get hurt!! Poor child inherited my gracefulness ( -0 on a scale of 1 to 10) Anyhoo, wish her luck!!!

Better go, have a few things to do before LOST comes on!! I love to hate that show!

Friday, March 12, 2010

It's almost SPRING!! and other misc hooplah...

Can I get a WOOT WOOT??? I am so ready for some green grass (even though I hate the smell of fresh cut grass) and bright colored flowers!( can't wait to see some tulips and daffodils in the yard!) Especially looking outside today, it is so gloomy! Bluck! It was gorgeous for most of the week but we've been cooped up inside with sinus infections. Double Bluck. Poor Megan's had it the worst!! She has missed all week at school and has ran a fever for 5 days now and her sinuses have been so full she had drainage out her eye! I know, gross right??? (Triple Bluck??) Anyway that part has been a lil freaky , but her eye looks so much better today thank goodness! I have been feeling so bad for her! I just want my girl back to being healthy and happy! I've only worked 3 trips this week which actually isn't a horrible thing considering how crazy things have been at work , but being sick and cooped up is No Fun!

I have to say being home all day.....well.......the whole cabin fever plays a big part (that's my story and I am sticking to it!!) but I think I may have a slight addiction to Ebay!! Oh how I hate to be outbid by those....those sneaky outbidders!!!!!!! Grrrr. Scott was laughing at me last night, he was like " Just go buy whatever it is your after and stop trying to win it at an online auction that you know you will get outbid on." I'm like "Ohhhhh no......I WILL prevail sooner or later and get what I want for less money! I will just have to become one of those I hate, a sneaky outbidder!!" (shutter at the thought)
Stupid Ebay..........
Stupid Scott for telling me to stay away from Ebay..........
Stupid me for going back and getting mad cause I got outbid AGAIN on Ebay......
Ebay is the devil!!! (insert crazy mama montage from movie Waterboy here)

Well I better go........I need to check Ebay......

have a great weekend!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Congrats to Megan!

The swim meet went great! Megan won a medal in all 3 of her events! 2nd place in breast, and 5th and 8th in her 2 freestyle races! woohoo! way to go punkin!! :-) I did learn that day that some parents are just a-holes and want to blame everyone else for their shortcomings and it's best just to ignore them!! We're there to let the kids swim, not to be mean to each other.....(common sense if ya ask me)

Anyhoo......she was very happy and we're all really proud of her!! I can't seem to load the picture so I'll try again later! I am still trying to figure out the new computer and the photo stuff with this iMac! very different from my old PC!

have a great day and thanks for checking in!